Elle est partit, mais elle reviendra - a post by "P"

The weirdest feeling I get is when she leaves - I can't really describe it. It's painful and sad and dark, but at the same time, there is a small good feeling inside hidden in between those painful ones. It's the fact of knowing that she is going to be back soon enough, and, best of all, that being apart during this period is for the good of both of us. It is one of the hardest and yet most important things a person must go through - building and setting up your life in order for you to live happily and comfortably, and to make it last forever.

I am not into writing but my excessive need for self-expression forces me to put this into words. Hugging and cuddling and staring into her eyes and passionate moments are not enough to describe my love for her so at this moment I decided to write it down, with a hope that it will show a part of how I feel. I hope it works.

I think that one of the reasons why a couple sticks together for a lifetime is because it takes a lifetime to describe your love and share it with the other person, and show them what you are all about and how you feel towards them. Words and actions and gestures are the most common methods, but they are slow. I shouldn't be complaining about that because somehow it's great that this is how slow it is...because you get to spend so much time trying to talk, express, write, draw, sketch, do, act, share, show, describe that love of yours, and to reveal that final beautiful sculpture that we pass on to the world through our love and through and to our children.

As a designer, the best way to express myself is to actually design, illustrate, sketch, and draw. I reveal so much in my artwork that I cannot produce when I talk or write. And yet the most fascinating thing is that I am still unable to actually draw or design an artwork that can fully or partially complete the image that I want to show - there is so much I want to tell her and show her, to the extent that the biggest piece of paper or canvas on Earth would not be enough to draw on. If we take it from the point of view of "size doesn't matter", I am still not capable of sitting and starting something because of a "fear" I have inside of me that I am not going to do it perfectly - because what I feel is perfect, whether that word is true or not. The same thing applies if I want to compose music or sounds for her.

I believe this is all good and normal. I know that I am not the only person striving to reach this perfect description and expression. She will help - she does, everyday...every moment we spend together or while being away...every laugh and every tear, adds to our sculpture a touch of beauty and helps in producing the perfect artwork. As much as I have self-confidence in my artistic skills and knowledge, I cannot but honestly say that I am not able to complete this masterpiece alone. I need her help with it, and it is never going to be perfect unless we do it together.

So now, while she is away (my cerise, mamaaaa!), I gave her a brush and all the tools she needs to sculpt and draw, alone, and I will be doing the same here. And everytime she is back we will merge our work together and get a splendid image that we will add to our book of life that we are writing together.

As I told her before, what we are going through right now is like creating a soundtrack. We get the right elements together - we compose and write and shape the best sound lines that fit in perfect harmony with each other. It is a long and hard process, but the end results are surely beautiful. Once done, we hit "play" and we get to hear it, enjoy it, and pass it on to others to listen to and get inspired from.